That's not all, falling in love can be dangerous. Art is filled with it from Romeo & Juliet to Nights in Rodanthe. With falling in love there comes a dissolution of stability; a tearing apart of what is, along with the possibility of what could become. In this way Dr. Alberoni says falling in love is subversive--seeking to destroy what stands and rebuilding amidst the rubble.
As a youth, you may have had little to destroy and with so few obstacles to overcome and being in love comes to pass naturally. This may not always be true as you move a bit further into life. You've gained a sense of who you are with success and are coming to terms with the boundaries of the possibilities in your life. You sought stability and have achieved it.
In many ways this is why you fear and resist falling in love as much as you purse it with intense desire. You resist and test love to see if it is real. You know it will bring a reordering of you life if you follow. And when you embrace it you embrace everything of your beloved. You love them inside and out--you cherish their very bones and sinew for they are that one and special person--your beloved. Their character flaws and physical imperfections become endearing and symbols of their uniqueness. No other is like this one you love and no other love like this. This all consuming passion, fusing you to your beloved, you gladly welcome its ability to undo much of your life, and make way for this new vibrant love.
It may also be why you can't fall in love even if you ardently desire it with all your heart. Your life at some point became full; it's now settled and you've grown accustomed to its stability and relaxed into it's comforting regime. You have no room anymore for falling in love. You may date and seek out new loves, but your life is how you prefer it and without that pang of something more; of real dissatisfaction-you'll enjoy and even love new partners, but falling in love with its blinding passion eludes you everywhere you seek.
Dr. Alberoni highlights a unique effect that falling in love has on your history. You my have suffered greatly at the hands of a former lover or gotten lost in endless emotional cul-de-sac's; yet being in love creates the ability to rewrite your history. You can now say that all the suffering has come to this one point. To prepare you for this great love affair. It erases the hopelessness you've been fighting. You have a new history that shines a bright light on this endless life with your beloved. Falling in love is a wondrous thing. Making your history--once set in stone--shimmer and refocus anew. Old loves, deep hurts, and lost chances are easily forgiven and reworked leading you to this new love. Falling in love is like no other healing balm.
How has your in-love ride been?
