You think to your self, "Why didn't I catch this before I fell for this guy?" Well, yeah that's a good question. I can't help you with that. Okay if you really want to go there.
The Development of Incompatibility between Partners
- Similarities and difference are both positive and make a potential partner attractive. However, over time some characteristics become the source of problems later in the relationship.
- Some similarities or differences that are appealing in the whirlwind of falling in love will reveal a darker and troubling side later in the relationship.
- Other traits (either similarities and differences) that aren't part of what attracted you, but were just part of your partner's personality, rise to the surface and become a problem in the relationship.
- No matter who you choose as a partner, the odds are that there will always be qualities that your partner has that simply don’t go well with your personality.
- Differences are more likely to cause conflicts. Many differences that aren't what attracted you to your partner are barely noticed during the courtship phase of your relationship.
- Early on in a relationship, these potential conflicts (differences or similarities) will not usually cause conflict.
Feel better? No, I didn't think so, we'll just have to figure this out. Look, usually you just sigh and find ways to accept differences. Except when you can't.
Now those are differences that make a difference because the cause real pain. Change may be needed, and this has nothing to do with abuse -- there's never a reason to accept abuse. But barring abuse, start to see who that person really is and drop, just bit, the accusations and labeling those differences as deficits; the frustrations that come from what you really want them to be instead of who they are. Could it be the relationship deal breaker? Maybe, and that can scare the crap out of you and maybe you'll want to just forget the whole thing. Don't, dropping your illusions may lead you to real acceptance.
Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you, this part was not about you changing them; more like changing your perceptions about them, ouch. Look, if it makes you feel any better, I'm telling him the exact same thing.
Hey check out Reconcilable Differences for a whole lot more.