Not many. And that's a big problem. The number of couples that can't divorce because of an economy that traps them together grows daily. Maybe you're upside down on a mortgage, lost an income with no way to support two homes effectively.
Staying together because you can't afford to get away from each other is not a recipe for bliss and does nothing to improve your parenting skills either. But facing complete financial ruin or the destruction of the financial futures you worked out for your children would give pause to the most ardently independent spirit facing such circumstances.
Maybe you don't agree with the decision to divorce; yet there are others of you who have made that decision--which has always been a difficult whirl of visitation, child support, and alimony; with all the economic imbalances constantly leveraging you as a couple together or apart.
If you're looking for answers, I'm fumbling right now--just like the recession, it's a problem that refuses quick or simple solutions, but here are some modest things to consider:
- Take a breath; you are going to figure it out. You're an adult and the kids are depending on you.
- It's time to impose on those you consider dear family and good friends.
- Delaying the move may be reasonable--for a time, but don't kid yourself, stuffing everything back in the box though survivable isn't moving your lives in a valued direction.
- Did I mention it's about the kids? Know you both need to be flexible to find ways to end the relationship and keep the family together.
- Keep the family together? Yeah. You are divorcing each other, not your kids. And your kids want to be with both of you. So moving out needs to work for them as well.
- Read The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Dr. Constance Ahrons. It will help to flesh out the above concept.
Of course what I'd really want is social support for that gut wrenching moment when you realize you need to end a relationship. I'd want to have duplexes and quadplexes with modest yards in reasonably safe neighborhoods that fathers or mothers can temporally move into; with financial support if needed, and parenting classes if recommended so both partners can be sure that their children are safe and supervised when spending time or living with their former partner.
This is where I'll stop and ask what you think I missed. To your way of thinking, what else does a couple that's thoughtful and responsible who have decided to end the relationship is to do in the midst of a national recession and their own financial challenges?