You've been dating only a couple of weeks, but now there's a snag. You're butting heads. Is if over? Not a chance. This is where it gets interesting. Getting past the polite stage is an important first step in a relationship. You have the right to disagree. You shouldn't have to be exactly the same. Yet there are ways to fight fairly.
FINDING SPACE WITH YOUR FEELINGS
When you feel a line is crossed you'll get angry. Anytime you feel taken for granted of when your self-esteem is threatened; you'll get angry. This is the time to remove yourself temporally from the offending party so you can experience your feelings and regain your composure.
You experience physical arousal when threatened. Heart rate, adrenaline, racing thoughts; these are symptoms telling you something is wrong. Unfortunately, your ability to process your thoughts is compromised. Taking a time out to focus your energy, to breathe, and calm down will allow your thoughts to be clear and less distorted.
AVOID THE KITCHEN SINK
Once the physical symptoms of being upset are under control, Keep on point. Bringing up issues not related to the one at hand will drive the argument away for resolution. Each issue deserves it's own discussion. Work to resolve the current issue, but keep track of other concerns that crop up in your discussion.
The goal is not about winning or losing; you can temporally feel superior and lose the chance to explore the potential of your new relationship. Start to warm to the idea that arguing is really about resolving an issue. That success with an argument is when mutual understanding has been achieved regardless if someone got their way.
BOUNDARIES AND EXPECTATIONS
Understanding your own family traditions around the expression feelings or dealing with conflict is important. Begining to learn about their family's rules is even more critical. Knowing their style of communication and ways of resolving conflicts sets the stage for real intimacy.
Realizing you're separate individuals with your own likes and dislikes; own family histories and cultural experiences; and that you each dwell in your own separate bag of skin--these truths will not diminish the possibilities you'll have as you consider a relationship.
Love allows you to transcend differences and even find quirks and faults endearing. Allowing you to see the other as unique. If they drive you away from this new person you're dating; then you've discovered something about yourself. Your own limits and the boundaries you've decided you can't relinquish.
That just means you've learned a little bit more about yourself.
When have you transcended differences and difficulties in a relationship? When have you decided that the differences proved too much to continue?