Relationship Glue

DO YOU HAVE A MIRACLE QUESTION?

 

WHAT IF . . .

after having fallen sleep tonight, a miracle happened and the problem you've been struggling with disappeared.  It no longer exists.  However, when you awaken you don't know this miracle has happened.  So, how will you first begin to tell that the problem no longer exists.  How will it not show up in your life?  What will be there instead?  This miracle allows you to begin to riff on possibilities not the impossibilities of your problem.

The miracle question.  A simple and and elegant way to begin to shift your mindset and focus on solutions. That shift in focus is the miracle itself.  This theory of helping (solution-focused brief therapy) believes that when you're having a problem you'll tend to keep repeating the same solution over and over.  You'll change it up some; how often you attempt your solution, how intensely you apply that solution, or maybe how long you'll put that solution to work.  But in the end it's the same solution only implemented differently.  Which is being "stuck".

A concrete example of being stuck and repeating the "solution" would be if a window jam had been painted over and you wanted to get it unstuck and begin to enjoy the fresh fall air on a sunny weekend afternoon.  You might grab a screwdriver and attempt to work it into the side of the widow and frame and give a little pull.  You hear the cracking of wood and some paint begins to flake off and fall on the sill.  Well, something's happening right?  It's not opening, but something "moved"  So, let's try it a little more.  Soon out comes a hammer just to work the blade a little deeper into the crack and work that widow lose.  Yes, you're cringing; partly because you've tried something like this before and you know where it's heading.  It's only after 30 minutes of defacing the window frame and gouging a hunk of flesh out of your thumb that you've decided tyo wipe the sweat from you eyes and walk away.

Everyone is vulnerable to the "more of the same" trap when confronted with a problem.  Whether it's doubling down on bad poker hand after bad poker hand, responding the same way to hurtful and unrewarding relationships time and time again, or yelling louder or more often at the kids to get them to behave; it's hard to break the "more of the same" cycle.

The miracle question helps to shift your frame of reference; to allow more room for possibilities.  Because stuck relationships and stuck behaviors can be more challenging and often resit solutions more often than stuck windows.  

 

SO WHAT'S THE POINT?

The answer to the question is that you're already doing something right when it comes to those relationships and behaviors because the "problem" isn't happening all the time!  That's right, it can't be happening all the time.  If you're trying to stop over eating, there have been times when you haven't over eaten,  At least once--if only for a few seconds.  What was different about that time? 

But that's hard to think about when you're suffocating in the problem and repeating your solution in a thousand different variations without one bit of success.  Someone asking you when the problem hasn't occurred, well, it ticks you off in a way.  You're trying to explain how impossible this problem has become and so how intractable it really is and someone is interested in only trying to find a few seconds when it hasn't occurred?  Piss off!

 

LOOKING FOR EXCEPTIONS

That's where the miracle question comes in.  Here no one (not even you) is trying to imply you aren't trying.  Indeed, not even saying your solution won't work.  It's just an invitation to image "what if" and see where that takes you.  If the problem is miraculously gone, what has taken its place, what would be different?  And how would you first realize it absence? 

These questions are sifting for the first clues to what could be the solution.  And, more importantly, where you've already begun to "accidentally" have the solution occur.  The miracle question allows you to first see what it would look like when the problem is no longer around, then you can ask yourself if there ever has been a time when you were doing that?  Even a little bit?  Even if it was only once?  And if so, can you begin to do more of that now?  Or maybe it was the day of the week or the time of day that's important.  Can you put yourself in that situation again for the solution of occur?

 

Soultion-Foused Brief Theray was first developed by Steve de Schazer and Insoo Km Berg along with a team of therapists at their clinic, the Brief Therapy Therapy Center in Milwaukee, WI.

 

BEST VEGGIES TO PACK FOR SCHOOL LUNCH

Vegetables eaten raw may just be the thing this fall in your kid's lunchboxes.

Carrots

Broccoli

Tomatoes

Cauliflower

Bell Peppers

Peas

Celery

But how do you make sure they eat them?  To get kids to eat healthy foods when you aren't around, they'll have had to try them under your supervision.  

If vegetables are a part of your daily meals, eating vegetables becomes natural.  If you snack and eat vegetables as a normal part of your daily life, your kids will to. It's a healthy habit you can give your children that will last a lifetime.  

Adults who snacked on veggies as kids tend to do the same thing as adults.  You have to accept that if you keep snacks and meals heavy in salt, sugar, and fat close at hand; those choices will always outweigh healthier choices.

While you'll be ahead of the game if your kids start eating vegitables at home before they begin eating on their own at school, its never too late to start introducing more vegetables into your child's diet.  Though be aware of precautions to avoid choking on raw veggies by small children.

You can add some protein like peanut butter on celery or cheese with tomatoes.  Maria Rodale, CEO and Chairman of the largest independent publisher in America has her own website that has great ideas for healthy and good food for kids.   One of her tips is to pack some dip along with raw vegetables, making them more interesting to eat.  Things like spreads, dips; or adding a little sweet or salt to them; or even camouflaging them may be some of the ideas you've already tried. 

What's your favorite way to get vegatables into your kids lunchtime meal?

TOP 5 FRUITS TO PACK FOR SCHOOL LUNCH

 

The research is in, kids will eat fruit at school.  They just have to have a chance to "taste test" it several times until it kind of grows on them.  And fruit that looks good gets eaten so the stuff has to look good.  The brightest color, the shiniest skin may do the trick.

Fruit has sugar.  And sugar means carbohydrates.  Too much of either and health stops being part of the equation. 

 

BLUEBERRIES

To strengthen your child's brain to jump start the school year.  And for all the stress the first week of school brings; a handful-a-day of blackberries for you!

 

STRAWBERRIES

Not only great looking and wonderful to eat, they pack in lots of vitamins.  Helping to keep your children healthy and ready for the next day.

 

WATERMELON

This low-fat fruit will keep the fun of summer alive in that first week back to school.  It also packs huge antioxidant benefits as well.

 

GRAPES

Another vitamin-packed fruit with a high sugar content that will please kids every time.  They're easy to eat and simple to pack and go great with cheese..  A fruit that has always been a winner at lunch.

  

BANANAS

A favorite for lots of kids.  They are easy to pack and have their own wrapper that makes them easy to pack.  The are low-fat and have lots of potassium that will help them recover from any hard-charging recess.

 

A FEW MORE IDEAS

freeze dried fruits may be just the way to get your kids to eat fruit. (lots of sugar though).  If you have hardcore fruit resisters; maybe more drastic measures are needed.  Give Raisels a try.

 And if all else fails you can always try the miracle fruit.

 

What are some of your tips to get kids to eat the fruit you pack for them?

8.8 WAYS TO BEAT BACK-TO-SCHOOL JITTERS

It's here.  Back-to-school time.  And with it comes the dreaded time of separation that first week of school.  Not as severe as school-refusal or separation anxiety disorder, it still is difficult for both child and parents.  This is when a child does not want to separate from their parent, typically their mother when they are brought to school.  This can happen in kindergarten, first or second grade.  It can happen even if the last years back-to-school ritual passed without a problem.

The intensity of their despair and anxiety at the moment you kiss your child good-bye and begin to leave the classroom is anguish.  The unrestrained sobbing and pleading for you to come back.  And when you do the relief you give them is immediate.  But try to leave again, and it starts all over.

 

TIPS

1.  Each child has their own personality and needs for security.  Prevention only goes so far.  As your child starts to walk and begins to explore their environment, you can encourage this and allow them to try new things.  As they build confidence, they will return to you often; strengthening their new found confidence.  Eventually, the first day of school will be just like exploring a new environment which they have successfully done in the past.

 2.  Check out the school during the summer.  Make it less threatening and new.  If not the oldest, they can tag along on your other children's first day.  Be warned, this will not necessarily prevent their own first day jitters.

3. You most likely already know if your child has some separation issues.  So you will need to mentally prepare yourself for the day.  You will be suffering more than your child.  Though they will be inconsolable as long as you're walking out that classroom door, you are the one who is dying inside.  And you must be prepared for the separation with a game plan.

4. Your child takes cues from you.  They are upset, afraid, and simply don't want to be away from you.  You need to project a calm, and positive presence in the face of that.  Another tip is to begin to make positive statements about school and relate your fun experiences heading back to school the week before it starts.

5. On the day don't be lulled into a false sense of relief that your child is not acting afraid.  You're still there; they're thinking ahead to when you won't.

6. When you take your child to their classroom for the first time, you wish them a good day, kiss and hug them, and then the moment of truth.  You turn around and walk away.  Of course if they start to get upset you're going to go back and reassure them.  That's reasonable--that's normal.

7.  it's when you continue to attempt to leave and the crying and pleading start the you know you have a problem.  Remember, this is actually much more upsetting for you than it is for your child.  You are filled with guilt and confusion; even embarrassment that your child is in such distress.  You must now say good-bye one last time; turn and walk away and don't look back.  You my be crying yourself as you walk down the hall, but if you return, you will reinforce the anxiety your child is having.

8. School administrators and teachers are well versed in this behavior.  It happens every year to teachers in the younger grades.  They have procedures and plans in place as soon as you leave.  Until you leave, those plans can't begin.  Generally, children are able to get distracted and make the transition in a few days.  If not, school-refusal can be investigated with the option of counseling as well as speaking with your Pediatrician and the Principal for more options.

8.8  If your child is experiencing significant school-refusal behavior, never get out of the car and leave your purse inside.  More than once a bewildered parent has a child who locks the doors from the inside with the keys left in a purse or satchel.  There is no more helpless feeling knowing your child will not open the door no matter what much you plead.

 

What strategies have you used to deal with the emotional turmoil of the first day jitters?

YOU ARE GETTING VERY SLEEPY . . .

Hypnosis is a misunderstood therapy technique.  This happens because of stage hypnosis.  This is where individuals are brought up on stage and made to perform like chickens or become stiff as boards.  It ia an experience helped along by the audience and the desire to please which is exploited by the performer.

Clinical hypnosis is a therapeutic tool that can allow you to use the resources you already have available in your own mind.  If you have got in your own way or worked against your own best interests then you already understand the value in this technique. 

The thing to remember is that a hypnotic state is a normal and natural state to find yourself in.  A state you experience many times throughout the day.  If you've gotten lost in a book or absorbed in a hobby and lost track of time, you have hypnotized yourself.  If you were deep in thought on the way home from work and suddenly found yourself pulling onto your street or into your driveway then you've hypnotized yourself.  Remember, it isn't some special trick, it really is a natural state of consciousness you move in and out of in your day-to-day life.  Clinical hypnosis simply harnesses that state to help you in a more intentional manner.

 

MISUNDERSTANDINGS TO CLEAR UP

There are many, but here are the core concerns individuals typically worry about the most.

You can't be forced to do something you don't want to do.  It isn't mind control or a way to get into your mind and plant thoughts or behaviors you don't want.  You can however, have post-hypnotic suggestions to support your goals and desires.

 

You're always completely aware of what you're doing.  You do not lose consciousness or lose awareness of your surroundings.  You don't have to close your eyes or even lay down.  You can be awake, alert, and responsive.

 

It's not used by any competent professional to discover repressed memories.  A controversial activity that has now been clearly discredited.  The brain does not operate like a tape or video recorder so memories are not stored somewhere, frozen in time, ready to be retrieved.  They change over time and are effected by new memories and interactions we have.

 

SOME WAYS HYPNOSIS IS USED

Medical hypnosis is used in surgery with those who are unable to have anaesthesia.  This is one of the more  dramatic uses of this technique.  It is a powerful reminder of the function the brain has over the body's pain receptors.

You can go back in time to remember a positive and successful experience; then imagine all those constructive feelings and beliefs about yourself are present in a future experience you plan to have like speaking in front of a large group.

You take a memory of an incident and imagine that you acted differently.  That you were able to speak to that person you never got a chance to do and allow yourself some closure.

 

These are just a few things that are open to you as you explore the subconscious process of the mind.  The more conscious part of you typically strives to control your behavior and feelings, but when it gets stuck, knowing there are side paths that, while meandering or even seem to be dead-ends, are available and can surprisingly take you right were you wanted to go all along. 

 

Maybe you've already had such an experience when temporally lost while driving or taking a shortcut walking in your neighborhood.  You're feeling completely confident you'll will find your way.  Just close your eyes and relax . . .

 

When have you lost track of time?  Has a solution to a problem suddenly occurred to you while being absorbed in another task?

BOUNDARIES

A Texas substance abuse counselor was arrested in Texas Tuesday after being discovered by police in a car with a teen male client.  Allegedly the 16 year-old boy admitted they had engaged in sex on different occasions.  It's always more heightened when women are involved in sexual offending behaviors against male teens.  More sensational than disgust when it is an adult female abusing a male teenager rather than a man abusing a girl.  There is always that. 

Of course it's illegal and it's illegal because the brain of a juvenile isn't developed enough to understand the ramifications of what the adult is doing with them.  That adults have many more resources available to them (both cognitively and materially) that eliminates the possibility of anything like a fair and equal partnership.  That's why it's illegal.

This gender issue of how bad it really is for a woman to engage in sex with a 16 year-old boy will be played out over the coming months.  Yet, the law is blind in these matters and in the recent past most female offenders are treated no different that men who offend against female teens.

What is also disturbing is the other sad issue.  The violation of the professional boundary by a licensed mental health professional. When it involves a child it is even more of a violation and so doubling the tragedy.  Of parents second-guessing and filled with guilt in trusting this person. 

Relationships with counselors involved in helping you deal with emotional problems, relationship and parenting issues, and crises of the most personal nature are naturally intimate.  Meaning they require the client to share personal facts and lower natural defenses not seen in anything but the most trusted and personal (read intimate) relationships.

And so the professional relationship is strictly regulated, and procedures taught, and supervision given, and continuing education delivered; all in the hopes that the professional boundary is never crossed.

 

HOW PROFESSIONALS BECOME VULNERABLE

Not taking care of their own needs.  Everyone is human and some of the best counselors are wounded healers.  It's a profession with real risks.  An isolating and secret profession where the most intense relationships may be at the office not in the every-day-world at home filled with demands and disappointments.  The counselor is responsible to meet those needs which doesn't include the client.  The smartest and best counselors are involved in their own psychotherapy, personal healing, and enrichment activities to protect themselves from these risks.

Not recognizing the intimate nature of psychotherapy.  The therapist most at risk is the one who thinks to themselves, "That could never happen to me".  A counselor must say to themselves, "I never want that to happen to me".  Then seriously understand just how easy it is and take steps to prevent it.  Smart and effective counselors have colleagues they routinely consult with and willingly submit to supervision well after the time it is required to get their license.  Being held accountable for the actions they take with a client ensures that blind spots don't develop and questionable behavior is seen before it hurts the client.

Not addressing their client's needs.  Clients are capable of engaging in behavior that's not in their best interest.  Skilled counselors confront clients with inappropriate sexual, financial, or other offers and behaviors.  Not to shame, or scold, or lecture.  But to help the client understand their own behavior so that they can act in healthy and safe ways on their own behalf.

 

WHAT BOUNDARIES LOOK LIKE

You pay this person.  the relationship becomes professional the moment the counselor gives you advice, sets an appointment with you, or takes your money.  This means you no longer can be friends.  You can't have lunch together, and you can't have a drink after the session.  Less obvious is the counselor is no longer on equal footing with you.  A counselor can only have a professional intimate relationship with you, not a personal one.  Healthy counselors find other outlets to meet their own needs.

You talk about your problems they don't talk about theirs.  This is what makes the relationship unequal.  It also makes it worth having in the first place.  With friends you have to take turns sharing and then listening to each others problems.  This is great for building relationships.  Lousy when you're trying to figure yourself out. Wise therapists realize some clients could of been great friends and allow themselves to recognize it, grieve it, and let it go.

Counseling is the only thing you're paying for.  Your therapist may have written a few books but you aren't going to get them in the office unless they're free.  Why?  Because they can't be your bookstore and your counselor.  Just like they can't be your life coach and counselor, the contractor for your new house and your counselor, or your vitamin sales rep and your counselor.  Your counselor gets to have just one professional relationship with you.  They know too much about you and it's too easy to use that information for their own best interests even if they don't realize their doing it.  So, it's not allowed.  Ethicial counselors work to make sure they don't give you the impression anything else is going on other that psychotherapy.

 

 A SAD SITUATION

Like in therapy it's important to confront unpleasant situations  in the hope of learning something and to begin to make better choices in the future.  Talking about it as a professional and inviting others to comment is one way those in the profession deal with it.

I'm sad for what happened to that counselor.  I'm sorry that it happened to that boy.  I'm upset for what happened to that family, their community, and that counseling center.  I'm ashamed on behalf of the mental health profession that it's happened, again. 

 

What risks do other helping professions (like educational or medical) and personal services (like housekeeping and lawn care) have?

6 WONDERFUL LUNCH SPOTS IN DOWNTOWN TOLEDO

 

ICE - 405 Madison Ave.

This is a sleeper.  Inexpensive and consistently great food.  My favorite is the chicken salad melt sandwich with melted swiss cheese and toasted wheat bread.  Service is prompt and take out can be extremely fast if you call 30 minutes before the rush.

 

Grumpy's - 34 S. Huron St.

An icon for downtown lunch seekers.  Wonderful salads and sandwiches.  A little more expensive but worth it.  Can get crowded, so go around 11:30 am to beat the rush.

 

My Brothers Place - 316 Adams St.

Here you support those working on a second chance while enjoying their nice range of lunch specials.  Good food, and outstanding service from folks who really truly appreciate you.

 

Downtown Latte - 44 S. Saint Clair St.

Serving only Fair Trade Coffee you will exercise your social consciousness while enjoying the downtown scene.  Loved the coffee and their amazing apple pie just a week or so ago with a friend.  Not just coffee, they also serve lunch to a loyal following.  Check out their active and fun twitter feed.

 

Fine Things bistro - 38 S. Saint Clair St.

Started by Social Worker, Kenneth Cunningham, Ph.D. and author of Cake and More Cake: A Diet of Hope.  I picked up the chicken salad sandwich and a side salad; the attention to detail and flavors of the dressing will keep me coming back for more.  It has a sit down dinner on Fridays that even includes vegetarian cuisine.

 

San Marcos Taqueria - 235 Broadway St.

A hidden gem that's starting to come into it's own. This authentic mexican restaurant has unbelievable tacos (love the shrimp tacos) which I have with just the traditional toppings: onions, cilantro, and a dash or two of hot sauce,  Hmmm.  Nowhere better downtown for terrific mexican cuisine.

 

I hope this inspires you to venture outside the office to sample downtown Toledo's great lunch offerings.  What are your favorite lunch stops during the week?  Do you prefer to eat in or out while at work?

5.8 STEP-PARENT TRUTHS YOU BETTER KNOW

 

1.  YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS

Unless someone says so.  You try to take over you invite the dreaded, "you're not my mom!"  No matter how much you want to step in and bring things under control. Realize you only serve in the role as parent with the natural parent's permission.

 

2.  YOU ARE THE PARENT

That nobody loves.  It isn't fair.  You voluntarily joined this family and no one seems to appreciate it.  That's right.  And if you're lucky they'll take you for granted just like they take their other two (or three) parents for granted in their lives.  Realize that they may not tell you how much they love you for a long time, if ever.  But given enough consistent love and presence, you'll know they love you.  And in those moments you celebrate their success, they'll know you were part of it and that will never be forgotten.

 

3.  NEVER THE HEAVY

Only the enforcer.  Yes, you'll be the boss and that authority comes from enforcing your partner's rules.  At least that's how he'll explain it to the kids.  Behind closed doors, your say holds equal weight.  There's no honor in going down in flames trying to enforce your own rules.  No matter how many of your fingerprints are found on them, they must always be their natural parent's rules, punishments, and rewards.

 

4.  YOU'RE THE SPY

With a heart of gold.  You may always have the tint of an outsider.  But no child can resist your consistent presence in their lives.  Deep down in an important place in their heart they know you chose to be their parent.  You offer a unique and welcomed perspective in their life.  Understanding that you love them means they are lovable by a person that freely choose to join them in their family.

 

5.  LOVE IS A CHOICE

You'll never regret.  It may be thankless, but it's not without its rewards.  Being part of a child's daily life--no matter who bore them--is a gift that's not for sale in any other part of your life.  Learning to be happy with what you have rather than regretting what you don't have is the key to living a fulfilled life.  And your partner's kids will teach you that lesson if you let them.

 

5.8  SENSE OF HUMOR

Is not an option.  If they figure out you can't take a joke, you'll have a big target on your back.  losing sight of who these children are and how they make your partner's life complete will diminish your relationship.  They are now a part of your life yet you are outside in a small way.  This lets you help the person you love appreciate the humorous side of things.

 

What are your rules to maintain peace of mind as a step-parent?  How has your partner made a difference to you kid's lives?

TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE

SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE

Really, do you have to ask?  Traditionally a man's chore--it doesn't have to be.   The fact that it wasn't done may not mean much, but it does.  Taking out the garbage, squeezing the toothpaste in the middle or the position of the toilet seat all seem trivial until they become life or death.  They represent the struggle, the frustration--the near impossibility--of living with another adult.  Until the kids get old enough to take on the chore.  And then it's about the near impossibility of living with a teenager.  But this post is about living with your partner.

 

ORGANIZING FOR A FIGHT

It's fun to find the humor in this issue, but it's important to understand how little issues become serious ones. It's difficult to be vulnerable.  To tell your partner how hurt you feel or let down by their inconsiderate behavior.  You need your partner to be considerate because maybe you never felt that growing up.  Or you hoped your relationship will help make up for all those things your imperfectly human family--the one in which you grew up--didn't meet. 

Everyone has emotional hurts and needs in their life and it's easier to use these token issues--concrete and safe symbols--to represent the tender parts the reside inside.  Unconsciously everyone participates in this high wire act to get these deeper emotional needs met.  Understanding what is happening behind the scenes with your feelings gives you a head start on solving the problem while knowing where your intense feelings are coming from.

 

THE MEANING OF MEANING

Yes, forgetting to take out the garbage can simply mean he forgot to take out the garbage.  Not always.   When you begin to fall in love with someone there is a deeply unconscious place where you know that you're about to soar into a wonderful experience or fall broken on the ground. There is an unconscious struggle to give in to it and a resistance--to fight it and save yourself from the destruction that comes from rejection. 

You begin to look for clues to see if they also have those feelings.  Italian sociologist Francesco Alberoni calls them Truth Tests from his book, "I Love You".  Every act, every word, every glance gets interpreted to somehow discover the beloved's heart.  Taking out the garbage becomes a Truth Test.  And when you begin to repeatedly fail your partner's Truth Tests; you have bigger problems than taking out the garbage.

 

HELPFUL TIPS

Understand your history--what needs were left unfinished in your first family?  No parent is perfect and so no child escapes childhood without some emotional scars.  That's part of becoming an adult.  Your task is to take advantage of your partner's imperfections to address your scars and love yourself and heal.

Know how you feel--Take time to get alone and begin to find out whats beneath that anger.  What more vulnerable feelings is the anger protecting?  Anger is a normal and acceptable feeling that's empowering.  Yet the feelings beneath it are just as valuable and deserve your awareness.

Value your needs--you grow as a person when you recognize your own limitations.  There is no such thing as unlimited potential.  Everyone has limits.  Everyone has needs and you're in a better position to have a healthy relationship when you know the things you just have to have in a relationship if you're going to have the best chance at happiness.

Realize your partners imperfections--The focus has been on you.  Now take a moment to realize these tips apply to your partner.  Warm up to the idea that you're both imperfect; from imperfect families trying to deal with that history while being present for one another.

Know the impossible task it is to routinely and consistently make someone else happy much less yourself.  When you and your partner fail--and you surely will fail--know how amazing a gift you give one another by simply being present; honoring each other's imperfections.

 

What's your take on how the little becomes the big?  How have you stepped back from the brink in your relationships?

FAMILY VACATIONS

Vacations are soon wrapping up and school will be starting.  If you're getting frantic about how to keep your children on track this vacation, here are a few more last minute ideas.

 

KEEPING KIDS INTERESTED IN ROUTE

The TravelHacker over at airlinecreditcards.com has posted 27 ideas to keep your kids entertained while in the air.  Listed below are a few ideas.

 

• 20 Questions Junior electronic game for kids 8 and up great for plane trips.  Or do it the old fashioned way and play is as a family in the car.

• What young child doesn't like Candyland?  Here's a travel version of the popular game.

• Mad Libs - either the electronic version or the less expensive traditional Mad Libs paper version.

• And an ingenious idea, Finger Puppets.  Using their imagination is a bonus.

 

parenting .com has several real-world tips by moms making travel work with their kids.

 

• Create funny new lyrics to the kid's familiar tunes

• Younger kids may like a "guess it" game by closing their eyes and guessing what an object is by feel.

• For next year, slowly gather simple toys and games and keep them in a special tote so it's ready to go when you head out on a trip.

• My favorite, always answer "yes" to the question, "are we there yet?"

 

EDUCATING KIDS ON THE FLY

The site sheknowsparenting.com has great ideas to slide a little review in before school starts while on vacation.

 

• Take advantage of visiting new or unfamiliar places and strengthen their vocabulary.  Use synonyms--have them think up similar words or go big and have a spelling contest.

• The time-honored tradition of looking for license plates should not be overlooked.  Look for license plates, and try to spot one from every state. They suggest adding a twist by searching for the state slogan as well.  Then you can talk about what it means.  Nice touch.

• The best idea is to make the oft-time chore of taking pictures on vacation into a learning experience by including the kids and teaching them about the camera.  They push out this idea one more step by suggesting you create a contest and have the kids select scenery or other  things they want photographed, then the child with the best idea can write a caption describing the photo--add it to your family album.

 

DISCIPLINING KIDS OFF THE CLOCK

The onlineparentingcoach.com tackles the tough task of disciplining while on vacation.  Grounded in reality, they offer compassionate tips that are firm but fair.

 

They suggest a checklist of questions to review before you act.

• Can you follow through on the consequences your given your child?

• Will your child learn from it?

• Can you get clear on what possible consequences you have available when you get to your vacation spot?

• Are you in control of your physical and emotional reactions before you punish?

 

Go to these and other sites, check out their tips, click on the links, and in no time you'll have an arsenal to battle boredom, whinning, and naughtiness; and come back having enjoyed your vacation.

 

What has worked the best to keeping your kids on track during vacation?  What didn't work out?