punks in love Rheinkultur 2006 Rheinauen, Bonn
The hardest part of changing is accepting there' a problem. You recognize your relationship has a problem but won't just start making changes. Change is too hard for that. Tell yourself that you'll have to deal with that someday. You're raising children and recognize your relationship needs attention; and you'll deal with it . . . soon. Your career is taking off and you're neglecting your partner, but you'll make it up to them as soon as you secure that next promotion.
Knowing something's wrong and finding the energy, focus, and drive to confront and change it -- that's a process not an event. You become accustom to the idea your relationship has a problem, you become adjusted to the idea you must do something about it and, in time, you begin to make modest attempts at correcting things. You're still not there, you're still not actively committed to change, but you're getting closer. Small attempts at change is part of the process of confronting the needed change.
Your dissatisfaction begins to rise. You can't ignore the problem anymore; you've even tried to make changes. Now finally, you see it as a "real problem" and your motivation to change has risen. To keep yourself from accepting the problem as just the way things are, you need to make a conscious commitment to change. This can include seeking support and publicly stating the changes you're planning to make. Few real changes are made in secret.
There are no sure bets when it comes to changing relationships. Two people are needed to make decisions work in a relationship, yet only one person is required to veto a decision. Making any relationship prone to problems. Problems are normal and getting better at seeing them, confronting them, and finding the motivation and commitment to resolving them will add stability to a risky proposition.
What do you find helpful in confronting rather than accepting relationship problems?
